Woman Admits She’s ‘Annoyed’ Her Mom Doesn’t Make an Effort with Her Children

• A woman shared on the community forum Mumsnet that she is “hurt” by the fact that her mother doesn’t make much effort to help out or spend time with her kids
• She said her own grandmother often babysat and took her and her siblings on long holidays, giving her mom a break
• Readers shared the opinion that the woman’s mother is unlikely to suddenly change and become a hands-on grandmother

A woman is feeling disappointed by her mother’s apparent lack of interest in spending time with her grandchildren.

The woman detailed her dilemma in a post on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet, explaining that she feels “annoyed” and “hurt” by the fact that her mother isn’t making much of an effort as a grandmother. She began by sharing some context about the positive relationship she enjoyed with her own grandmother, who took a very active role.

“My grandmother used to take me on a lot of lovely days out, she even took each of the grandkids (seven in total — not all my mum’s) on a 10-day foreign holiday each, and she babysat regularly so mum could go out in the evening,” the original poster (OP) wrote.

She noted that her mother “didn’t work” during her childhood and “still doesn’t.” Meanwhile, the OP runs a business from her home, which “I struggle to juggle around the kids every school holidays.”

Recently finding herself in a pinch, the OP called her mother and “begged” her to take her youngest child for a couple of hours so she could get some work done. “She grudgingly agreed but said, ‘She’ll have to just come along with what we’re doing though’ and listed a couple of hobby-based things she has to do and some shopping (obviously, I don’t expect her to drop everything last minute),” she recalled.

Even though her mother did agree to help babysit, the OP feels her mother should want to take her grandchildren on special outings.

“AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to think it would be nice if my mum offered to take the kids on a nice day out somewhere? She must know she benefitted from her own mum doing it for her,” she wrote. “It kind of hurts that she won’t think to do it for mine. Money isn’t an issue, but even so, a nice day out in a park is free.”

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

In the comments, many readers wanted to know “what sort of mother” she was during OP’s childhood. One explained, “In my experience, the parents who loved being parents also love being active & involved grandparents. Whereas the parents who didn’t particularly enjoy being parents the first time round aren’t particularly active or involved grandparents.”

To this, the OP explained in the comments that her mother was “detached, cold, uncaring, angry, stressed and kind of lazy,” but has “mellowed with age” and become “nicer and calmer.”

She added, “I think the bottom line is that she probably just doesn’t like kids.”

The PEOPLE App is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more!

In response, quite a few commenters advised the OP that her mother is unlikely to suddenly change and become a Mary Poppins-esque grandmother, and she’ll have to accept that reality.

“If she didn’t like the hands-on aspect of parenthood, she’s unlikely to want to throw herself into being a hands-on grandmother,” one person wrote. “I get that it’s disappointing not to have that kind of support. But she is who she is.”

Another agreed: “The hard truth is, if she wanted to do these things, then she would be making it known that she wants to spend time with the grandchildren, in her attitude, and deeds. It must be very disappointing for you, but other people cannot be what we want, and may desire them to be. Hopefully for your children, they have other, more engaged family members.”

Yet another urged the OP, “You need to let it go — she is never going to change,” explaining, “Your mum wasn’t the mum you needed, your gran was the warm, cosy and practical person you needed, and your own mum can’t replicate that, which is a real shame.”