Celebrity Hairstylist Chris Appleton Opens Up About Coming Out, Divorce and More in New Book (Exclusive)

Chris Appleton is holding nothing back.

The celebrity hairstylist — who works with the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian and Martha Stewart — published his debut book today, Jan. 20, and in it, he opens up about the highs and lows of his life so far.

The self-help biography book, called Your Roots Don’t Define You, illustrates some of Appleton’s “darkest times,” including being bullied as a child and fighting to have the career he dreamed of. Along the way, Appleton, 42, also provides tips for readers to transform their own lives and be anyone they want to be.

Of the book, Appleton tells PEOPLE, “So it’s really for anyone that’s ever wondered, ‘Is this it?’ Like I say, whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, a marriage, a job, financial situation. If you’ve ever wondered if there’s more, this is for you.”

Ahead, Appleton opens up about what he shared in his intimate book — from coming out after having two kids to going through a public divorce.

PEOPLE: Why was now the right time to tell your story?

Chris Appleton: I think probably more than anything, people know Chris Appleton as working with celebrities, a polished version on Instagram, maybe my relationship status. What I really wanted to do is strip all that away and give a very raw, authentic, real version of what it’s like to live a life as a celebrity hairstylist. To work with some of the most famous women in the world, and how I got there.

There’s a lot of personal stories about the darkest times in my life, some of the lowest points, because I felt like it was really important to be able to relate to the reader and give them the freedom to be able to feel that too. It’s far from what you see on social media of the polished version. It’s a very raw and fun book about transforming your life and creating your comeback.

PEOPLE: What will people find in this book?

CA: It’s kind of broken down into tasks of like, “Well, where do I start?” Because that’s the number one question. “How do we even start change? I don’t even know. I’ve been in this marriage for however long. I’ve been in this job. Or my hair’s been this length my whole life, how do I even change?” And it breaks it down step by step how to start, in a really fun way where you can actually just laugh at yourself or not take it too seriously and have the freedom to relate to someone that’s also saying, “This is how I started. This was my dark side. This is how I ended up in this particular situation and how I got out of it.”

And that’s the thing people need to remember is transformation and making your comeback can be done at any age. And if Kris Jenner has anything to do with it, she’ll show you that you can do it at any stage and have fun doing it.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. 

PEOPLE: You touch on being bullied as a kid for a variety of reasons, including your dyslexia. How did your childhood affect your adulthood and how you parent your two kids, Billy and Kitty-Blu?

CA: Being spat on, punched, jumped from the back, it was humiliation on the daily. So, from a young age, I realized that I shouldn’t be happy or proud of who I am. I should absolutely be something different, because who I was as a young kid that just loved doing hair because it was the thing I was good at. I didn’t even think about [my] sexuality, but it was very much pushed on me like, “Oh, you’re gay because you do hair.” I hadn’t had sex. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I just got told that was wrong. So I was like, “Oh, I don’t want to be that.”

I was also told I was stupid because I was dyslexic, which I know I wasn’t, but I was like, “Well, maybe I am because I don’t learn like the other kids.” No one wants to be different, and I was. I think I really abandoned myself at a very young age. A part of abandoning myself, I think I allowed things to come into my life throughout my adulthood that didn’t serve me. And I allowed things to happen that shouldn’t have.

PEOPLE: You mentioned that you weren’t thinking about your sexuality when you were younger, and you touch on coming out in this book. Is there anything you wish you could tell your childhood self about your sexuality and where your life would go?

CA: I think my biggest message, and I’ve actually done this in therapy, is going back to myself and just allowing myself to be who I was. And say that, “You are enough just as you are.” I think I spent my whole life trying to prove a point of like, “If I get to be the best, then I’ll be enough. If I can be the best hairstylist there is, then I’ll be enough. If I can earn a certain amount of money, I’ll be enough. If I can get in a marriage, I’ll be enough.” But what I realized is the only person you really need to be enough for is yourself and come back to that.

And for a long time, I wasn’t. And that’s the thing that I really hope I’ve done as a dad is showing my kids to truly have self-love in a really healthy way. And have boundaries, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a selfish person. It doesn’t mean that you’re self-absorbed, but it means you’re healthy, and it means you’re accountable. And I think that’s sort of really powerful. Because I think abandoning myself, I allowed so much stuff to happen because I wasn’t really respective of my space. I was of everyone else’s, but not my own. So in helping other people, I was kind of hurting myself.

PEOPLE: A few years ago, you had a very public marriage and then a very public split with actor Lukas Gage, which you touch on in your book. What did that relationship teach you about love and about yourself?

CA: I think in every relationship I’ve been in my life, whether it’s a friendship or a marriage, the one thing I’ve really learned that’s important is alignment and making sure you’re aligned. And I think, for me, it’s been a journey of discovery. You can love someone, and it doesn’t work out, and it doesn’t have to be a happy ever after and a happy ending. And I think in every situation I’ve ever been in, I’ve always tried to just learn from it and evolve and grow.

There’s been plenty of things said about me that I’ve never really defended. I think that’s what the reader’s going to find in the book, is maybe an explanation into that and to why I didn’t necessarily need to. I think it’s surely because I feel in a good place in my life. I’ve done the work. I’ve taken accountability where I need to. And I think, like I say, in every situation I’ve ever been, I’ve always tried to just evolve from it and let the past go. You don’t delete it. It’s all part of you, but you just move on.

PEOPLE: You mention in the book that you still hope to be married someday. What keeps you hopeful?

CA: I’m such a lover, but I used to think love was enough. And that’s the thing, I realize love isn’t enough. I used to think, “Love will fix all. We’ll figure it out. We can get to a better place.” People don’t change that much. It takes a lot of work to change. And it’s absolutely not my job to help other people change.

You can only do that for yourself. I definitely believe I’ll be married again, but I think I’m just way more protective of my space and making sure that things are aligned and going into something that’s right for me. I think being really healthy about that, I think is great. And, having fun along the way.

PEOPLE: Your client roster goes so hard! Your working relationship with Jennifer Lopez goes back so far, which you share in the book. How did it feel to get that call from her team?

CA: actually got an email. I ignored it. I thought it was spam. And then I got another email, and I was like, “Oh, maybe this is it. Maybe this is J.Lo.” And I was like, “How does J.Lo know who I am? That’s weird,” because I’m just this guy from Leicester that is doing hair and fighting to survive.

PEOPLE: Kris Jenner wrote the foreword for the book. What did she say when you asked her to do that?

CA: There’s still that little kid inside me who’s like, “Kris f—ing Jenner wrote the foreword.” She’s amazing. She’s so much fun. And honestly looks amazing, and having the best time doing it.

She just said yes. I was a little nervous because we all have that self-doubt. Every job I do, I’m always still a little nervous. I’m always a little anxious still. Every video I post on Instagram or TikTok, I’m always a little apprehensive. I like that to an extent because it is healthy. I never want to be arrogant and think, “Oh, I know it all,” because I really don’t. No one does. I think that’s bulls—.

PEOPLE: You’ve created some iconic hair looks. Do you have any standout moments that stick with you?

CA: JLo’s Super Bowl, a lot of people stopped me about that. That went terribly wrong. I actually went home and cried after the Super Bowl. It was probably one of the biggest moments of my career, and I went home and cried because one piece of hair fell and I absolutely thought I’d ruined the whole show, because this one piece of f—ing hair got stuck in her eyelash.

This is the problem with perfectionism. I have OCD, and I have perfectionism with my job. I’ve also learned that it’s really healthy to have that, but it’s also really healthy to recognize when to stop doing that. The reality of it is, I can’t control every strand of hair. [Her hair] was beautiful. And actually that one piece of hair gave it a little bit of character and texture and made it feel more alive.

PEOPLE: What do you want readers to take away from this book?

CA: I think to absolutely know that everything I posted on social media was a lie to an extent, because it was just a version of the bigger truth. I think we’re all guilty of doing that. What people are going to find in the book is the behind-the-scenes of what it took to get to that point. This is going to be the BTS of my life, the lives I live in and work in. And really to give people the inspiration to know that they can transform their life, they can create their comeback at any age.

So it’s really for anyone that’s ever wondered, “Is this it?” Like I say, whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, a marriage, a job, financial situation. If you’ve ever wondered if there’s more, this is for you.

Your Roots Don’t Define You is available now.