Husband Refuses to Care for Baby When She Cries. Wife Says He’s Not ‘Parenting’

A woman is asking for advice as she says her husband is not doing “any actual parenting” with their baby girl.

In a post on the parenting subreddit, the original poster (OP) shared that she’s having a “hard time” explaining to her husband why he should be helping to put their 6-month-old daughter to sleep. OP added that her husband typically gives her their baby girl when she starts to cry or fuss.

“He says he doesn’t like when she cries (actual tears) doesn’t want her to associate crying with him,” she wrote. “He, also, said it will be easier for him to put her to sleep when she’s older (even just at a year which is 6 months from now).”

“Since she was two months old I don’t think he’s gotten her to sleep or really tried more than two or three times,” OP added. “I think the only time he tried was when I went to book club last month and I had to come home early because she wouldn’t stop crying.”

The mom went on to explain that she feels as though their baby is just not used to him putting her to sleep, which is why she cries a lot. Aside from one of their relatives, OP shared she’s the only one who puts her to sleep.

“I don’t agree with his logic. I feel like if she’s never gone to sleep for him, she’s not magically going to when she turns a year old,” she wrote. “I don’t really know what to do. I feel like I’m the only one doing any actual parenting and he just gets to play with her sometimes.”

In the comments, many people in the Reddit community chimed in and shared their thoughts on the situation. One user suggested that OP’s husband take parenting classes.

“First, I’m so sorry. Second I would recommend he take some parenting classes,” they wrote. “My guess is he has never been around babies before having one? If that is not the case, then his behavior is a huge red flag.”

“I totally understand some babies can be very difficult to get to sleep, but if that is not the case he needs to figure out how to be a father,” they continued. “We have 5 kids and every one was totally different, my [7-year-old] still to this day only wants me to put her to bed if I’m home. But my husband has always been ready able and willing to do bedtime with each of the kids.”

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Another user suggested that OP take a “empathic approach” with her husband.

“Sometimes, taking an empathic approach can have more impact. What you could say is that you understand it is heartbreaking to hear your child cry; you feel it, too. Let him know your exhaustion from caring for her all day in addition to being the only one to soothe her at night is very taxing, too,” they wrote. “Ask him if he can at least try small incremental attempts to soothe her at night, so the baby and him can get to a level of comfort together.”

“Let him know the baby will actually bond even more with him during this transition period,” they continued. “It may seem like hand-holding, but it’s a way in which to validate his feelings while also getting him to a place where he accepts the responsibility, too.”